Maybe some of you notice that these days I post many new posts, whereas I’ve left this blog on dust for more than 2 months. I don’t know why, but I just feel I have more juice inside me to write more often, as I found that writing is energizing, but at the same time, sips my energy away. Nowadays, I feel I need to write something when I see something good, instead of just retweet it or share it over the Facebook. These days I just feel some melancholy feeling that I’ll always feel when I’m about to face a big change in life, and that can lead me to writing, or pull me away. I listen instrumental with melancholy tunes more often (but melancholy doesn’t necessarily means sad). I still can’t say what big change it is, but I truly hope it’s for good.
And which it feels like a perfect time to contemplate a little about teaching that my dad often gave to me when he’s still here. No, it’s not what you think. He is still here, but very far away from home. So, my interaction with him is now limited and greatly reduced. Even though there are technology like Facetime and Skype, it just doesn’t feel comfy to talk with it. Usually it’s my mom who spend a great deal of time to talk with my dad over the Facetime. I just joined them some times.
This picture reminds me that sometimes what each of our dad teach is probably not what we like to hear at the time it’s given, but when we have clear our head, usually we can starting to see what he really means. When I see myself, usually I found that I’m too cocky to listen to his argument. I feel that I already know everything, and I doesn’t need any advice from anyone. But the truth is, when I feel too cocky, it’s usually because I know I’m wrong or something is not right, but I’m too eager to let it go. I act cocky just so that he won’t push me any further, because if he pushes any further, I know that I will lost in the argument. The problem is, at the time the argument take place, my mind and my heart was so locked on to the thing(s) that I was hold on into, whether that is thing, or bad habit, or anything. And usually we started to understand what our father said when it’s almost or even already too late.
My biggest trap is that I’m too easy to fall into comfort zone, wherever I am. I’m too easy to feel contended with what I have in life. Whereas my papa wants me to be a “bloodlust” tiger, always feel unsatisfied, always strive for more. In the Myers-Briggs type personality indicator, I have INFP personality, which shortened to “Idealist”. But one thing that I realized when I see on the result, is that I tend — well, “tend” is underrated here — I go to a GREAT LENGTH to avoid conflicts whenever possible. And I say, it’s very true. Sadly, sometimes, to do something that’s a little out of my style is also considered as “conflict” for my subconscious mind. His advice that I always remember until now is that sooner or later, the time will catch up to me. And that is also true. But I just can see what he say about when I already experience it, when my ego is not clouding my judgement and reasoning. This is one thing that keep conflicting in my life until now. But it’s a good thing that he still let me discover everything by myself, not shoving anything down my throat.
Well, I guess that will wrap up something for today. May this serve as a reminder that we may not see things the way it is supposed to be now. But when the time come, we will be thankful to our earthly father of his most valuable heritage to us: his wisdom. Thanks dad.