Today’s Daily Prompt:
“Age is just a number,” says the well-worn adage. But is it a number you care about, or one you tend (or try) to ignore?
Every people has these two feelings coloring their life at some moments, even to today. Those feelings are hope, and anxiety. It’s like the topmost of your life imagined, versus the worst of your nightmare, also imagined. We could soaring high in life, even passed our expectation. But we can also fall to the depth of the ocean, far deeper than the worst we can imagine. But those two feeling keep your life balanced and in check, but sometimes can become your enemy as well. Your hope can pump you productive in order to reach the goal. But if you have a low self-esteem, you might not put your goal soaring high in the sky, but just as high as the clouds. Or even trees. Therefore, your goal has become your own limitation, as people tends to not work exceeds their expected result. Your anxiety can becomes your drive to get out from “red zone”, if you now has fall below what you’ve expected in your life. But if you have a spoiled mentality, once you get out from your “red zone”, you tend to feel comfort, which in turn leads you prone to fall to “red zone” again.
Age for me is more than a number. I’ve keeping in check of what people usually achieve on certain age, and I keep comparing myself to the standards. Which sometimes bring despair because despite I do better than some people, I’ll always find people achieve better than me. I also have this tendency to quick to feel satisfied, which I’ve tried to get rid of for ages. I feel that I’m destined to achieve greater, much much greater than what I’ve achieved today, but I still can’t achieve it because of some flaws in my character. Everybody has flaws on their character. But as I’m also a melancholic person, I tend to exaggerate my flaws and delve deeper in despair thinking more than I should have. Even though my life is basically fine and smooth, I tend to over-thinking everything that makes my mood level as broke as somebody who just lost his house to fire.
In spite of age, I tend to search for qualities in my peers that I don’t have, and contemplate why I don’t have that. It’s basically very depressing, as my mind actively doing exactly that activity when I am doing nothing. This is just the “curse” of a melancholic person, a curse I’ve tried to escape for years. Feeling is a very important thing for me, even though I’m a man, which also makes logic comes as my second nature. I always feel that my feeling and my logic constantly battling in my mind, and it has been a waging war for literally most of my life. My feeling always serves me the anxiety, while my logic serves me the hope. But more often than not, my feeling comes first, which will likely stun me on the spot. There are times, of course, when I’m like entirely different version of me, someone who uses pure logic to solve everyday problems. It feels very great when I comes off the bed with the right foot like that. But those times are not often.
Age for me is more than a number. So here I am, tried to explain myself according to what I have and don’t have, in this age. I don’t publish this on my Facebook and Twitter as usual, so for the people who knows me, enjoy this revealing of myself.
I’m not funny. This is one of my great shortcoming. I’m not a convincing public speaker. I don’t have a really strong grasp of what I want to do or achieve in my life. I tend to start on fire, but fused off in the middle. This is why I’m not regular poster even though I’ve already tried to. I tend to shy. I’m an introvert person who rather be alone doing my own stuff than in the middle of crowds. To be in the middle of the crowds ‘drains’ my ‘social battery’, while being alone ‘recharge’ it. This is why I sometimes left my phone for a period of time without touching it. I like to procrastinate, especially on something I despise to do. Critics and insults can create a variety of effects on me, usually bad ones, especially if comes from people I cared about. I like to debate if my ego is disturbed by the critics and insults from someone I don’t really close, but if it’s coming from someone close to me, it can destroys me to pieces. I don’t handle conflict well. I don’t like being rejected. I would go great length to avoid a confrontation, if it’s possible. But if neglecting annoying someone doesn’t tax much on my feeling because I’m not too close, I will do it in a blink of eye. I based my decision on my logic, but that logic often tempered with my feeling, and therefore I sometimes create a confusing decision or doesn’t make any decision at all. I do fear more than I do brave, as my anxiety usually gets me. I don’t really like new adventures where I should delve into the great unknown.
But, if you can win my heart, I’m a very loyal friend. I don’t backstab a friend from behind, as I will already feel very uncomfortable myself by just thinking about that. I keep secrets, especially those secrets that you tell me yourself. I’ll always try to be in a good terms with everybody, especially good friends. I can read people, and be emphatic about that. I use my feeling and logic together to put myself in that person’s situation when someone comes to me for advice, so I rarely judge. I’m great at giving advice. I’m great at a 1 on 1 relationship, as opposed to crowds relationship. I have an artsy soul and look at everything through art soul. I’m a skilled teacher, who teach using thousand different ways to make you understand, no matter how your your brain works to process things. Although I don’t really like to delve into new adventures in the great unknown, I make it up in studying of what’s already established. If something interests me, I will learn it into the microscopic scale, to understand how something works and ticks. That’s why when I teach, I know exactly what I’m talking about. I work with analogy, to put our brains into the same language. I always read what’s between the lines. When my ‘social battery’ is full, you will see a very lively version of me. Even though I don’t handle conflict well, but if I know that I’m in an absolute right state, I can become a tireless crusader to defend what I believe is right, especially if it affects people I care about. I’m a great supporter of your cause, and even though I prefer to not lead, I will become a handy leader in times needed. Even though I’m not a convincing public speaker, I know how to use words to bring situation to our side in debates and disputes. I love definition and meaning of something, and always have deep thought about something that people might missed.
Age for me is more than a number. What you’ve experience since you’ve born up to this day, is what make up your age. Even though I know I’m not perfect, at least I try to get who I am, and who I am not. There’s new adventure, new theme, new events, new problems, new failures, but of course, new glory, in each of every number in the age. It’s how you keep your heads high through all this journey, that you’ll see the very end of it. When the last number on your age is ticking, can you leave this world without regret?