Valentine’s Day is Coming!

Awww isn't that cute?

Valentine is coming!

The day full of love is right in front of me. As I’m thinking about how to celebrate it, I’m scrolling through the facebook posts, and noticing an increasing “negative” tones toward the day of love. Well, they usually have one common similarities: single.

I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me, but I never feel “disturbed” with Valentine’s Day when I was still single. Of course Valentine’s Day is more exciting now that I’m no longer single, but when I was single for straight 26 years, I didn’t feel bothered at all when the Valentine’s Day is come. In fact, I can enjoy it as much as my other in-relationship-friends by hang out or receiving friendly chocolates from besties. I don’t think that being single is such a disaster that has to break your world apart, especially when you know that being single has its own advantages, like being in relationship has its own advantages too. I love it when I was still single, but I also love it when I now in a relationship.

That being said, let’s take a look at why being single is advantageous.

1. You’re not bounded.

I have this old-times best female friend from my church community which I like to share stories and she often giving me advice, and we were like to joking each other with cruel jokes and such. Now, after 4 years of lost contact because she’s moving to different city, now she’s already married. I know her husband pretty well, but not as much as I know her, obviously. When she returns to my city for a brief time, I was inviting her to hang out and have a drink like usual the old days. And her first reply in text message was, “Wait a minute please, let me talk to my husband first.”

And I was like, “You WHAT?”

But thankfully, I managed to refrain myself from sending that text. At first, I was a little bit angry that now like almost everything that she plan to do, she has to asked for her husband permission. Hey, I know you, you know me, I know your husband, and your husband knows me too. It’s not like anything will happen, at all. You and your husband knows me too well that I respect you and your marriage very much that I can’t never think further of you as a best friend, or older sister. That’s what was in my thought. But when I re-think about it, I found that, well, that’s what called integrity, and pure love. She loves and respect her husband so much that she doesn’t feel that asking for permission about anything she about to do to her husband is a bother. In fact, she likes to do that. There’s nothing wrong with that, actually. And, in the end, she was got an easy permission. Well, shame on me. 🙂 But anyway, when you’re single, you don’t have to deal with this kind of mess.

2. You’re free to take a more risky way of life.

By saying a more “risky way of life”, I’m saying about if you have plan to study or working onboard, or trying to start a business, then it would be more easier to undertake if you’re single, because your time and money is all for your own. You don’t have to deal with long distance relationship, worrying about whether if he/she will stay faithful or not. You can focus, and you can doing your job with undivided focus. Or you don’t have to risk your future families financial condition if your business fail. If you’re about to spend your last pennies on your business, and you have wife and kids to fed, I bet you’ll back off.

3. You’re free from broken heart.

Well, any relationship always has risk to fail. What’s keeping a relationship from failing is commitment and understanding. But, any fail relationship can, and will, have impact on your life, especially for men. There’s a wise word saying “there’s nothing can destroyed a good man worse than a marriage problem”. That’s why, a single man usually can perform better at work because they have nothing to worry about, except for their own life. I have this one friend, that still can’t overcome his broken heart after 6 months pass by. He, who once a productive and cheerful guy, now becomes a lurker in his room. I just once or twice very lucky to accidentally meet him at the church. Even his sister tells me that she’s not seeing his brother THAT much.

If you’re not ready for broken heart, do not, I repeat, DO NOT engage in any relationship, as it can ruin your good life.

4. Your options are still stand.

More often than not, one will feel more fun at being single than taken, because you can “play” a little bit when you’re single. As a guy, it’s a thrilling experience to being a girl hunter, giving off “bait”, seeing how she responds. And as a girl, like what some of my friends told me, it’s an awesome feeling of being wanted by a number of guys at the same time. Many people  have that unquenchable desires that likes what they don’t own, and bored with what they already owned.

But, for a better motivation, when you’re single, you can still considering whether this somebody is fit to be your Mr. or Mrs. Right. If you’re already taken, you don’t have any choice and you have to commit yourself to that one person. It’s not like it’s a bad thing to commit your love to a certain somebody, but it IS, if you commit it to a WRONG person. So, when you’re still single, you still have that time and preparation to make sure that your choice is right for your entire life.

Now, how about the advantages of being in relationship?

1. It makes you grow.

Being in relationship needs two very different people from very different background and gender to mix and match with each other. Often, the fight can happen over a very trivia things, and if they don’t discuss a remedy and way out for the problem, a good relationship can ended just because the guy promise to call at 9pm and he’s calling at 9.30pm. Being in relationship erodes your ego, and it has to. If the relationship can’t erodes your ego, believe me, it won’t last.

2. It makes your plan for the future can advance.

Being in relationship means you can literally see who’s going to be your soul mate for the rest of your life. You know what  his/her background study, job, and plans. You two can mix plans, and even create intertwined plans. I’ve seen many friends doing photography, while his wife doing photo editing, or becoming a pediatrician while her husband is an obstetricians. All of these can be happened if there’s good communication before the marriage.

3. You have someone you can care about, and cares about you.

Of course, the “biggest” advantage, especially for the emo people out there, is that his/her lover can wipe the loneliness. Being in relationship means that you have someone that you care about, and cares about you. When I asked one of my friend which can stand being single for too long, about why he felt the need to be in relationship, he said that whenever he’s in relationship, he have someone he can love. And by having someone he can love, it’s like he fulfill something in his heart that craving for that sensation.

Well, we know that it’s a lame excuse, but many people are having gf or bf for this reason. But having a lover is not about  doing lovey dovey all the time. There’s real world to attend to, and when the time comes, the loneliness will strike again. Don’t get hooked up with somebody just because you feel lonely. Believe me, when he/she left you, the loneliness will come back double times. Don’t ask for something that your lover can’t give.

You can name other advantages I missed here, but for me, these are the basic advantage that we should be aware of, because if we don’t giving thanks of what we have right now, I’m afraid this word someday will apply to you:

When you’re single, you see happy couples. When you’re couple, you see happy singles.

Happy Valentine everyone. 🙂

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By Martin Tjandra Posted in Life

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